Albums keep getting longer and every time I crack a Dannon yogurt…I find less inside.

How would you feel if you were a heroin addict and Afghanistan switched to producing cocaine? Or if the Yankees still occupied their stadium, but they now played soccer? Pretty disillusioning, wouldn’t you think?

Man, I’m in withdrawal. The food staple of my life, Dannon coffee yogurt, is disappearing from the shelves. It’s like end of times. Going from market to market. With all the clerks telling me it’s gone, and I’m one of the clamoring masses still looking for it.

You see the company’s gone all Jamie Lee Curtis on me. Promoting their Activia brand. Which comes in Lilliputian containers and must be consumed slowly, like brandy, because in just one or two teaspoonfuls, it’s history.


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